well now, at 31 i have to finally admit i am living the life of someone much older... i feel about 50.... im a young single mum yes... well i like to think of myself as young but the wrinkles are starting to rear their ugly creasy little lines... so why is my life so boring??
i have 2 beautiful children, they make me laugh, occasionally make me cry, but i love them even though they drive me insane at times, surely thats the joys of parenthood, and i get that, but, what has happened to the rest of my life? i'm so boring now it seems to have run away from me.
I work 5 out of 7 days, i have great hours for the kids and bizzarely i love my work, im always laughing and joking with people at work, im scarily happy and bright at work, so much so it does concern people that i am always happy, which in itself i find amusing. When i finish work my day starts again as mum.. its a case of homework, golf driving range, swimming, home for tea, bath and kiddos head off to bed... ok that's normal for most parents right, so once they have gone to bed what then? the bit between the kids bedtime and mine, how do people fill it?? i really haven't a clue what's next.
What usually happens is i am found cleaning up, washing etc (all the interesting fun stuff) and once that's done i kinda stop... i mean i litterally do just stop, im like a clock that stops ticking, one miniute im active, the next i simply dont move...wtf??... i genuinely do not know what to do with myself, there is only so many times you can update or comment on twitter or facebook, only so much evening tv i can take and half the time i end up in bed earlier than should be acceptable for a fully grown woman ( im sure its illegal to be in bed every night at a reasonable time)
So is it just me or is this normal?? i am quite baffled as to how i managed to find myself in this ever revolving roundabout of boredom? i used to have loads to do, but thinking about it that was when the kids were younger, hmmm i seriously need to sort this or im going end up as one of these mums that stalks her kids, just to embarrass them by joining in, hee hee, oh the visions!! i can see myself strolling into the pub in a few years buying the kids drinks, thinking im looking like supercool mum when secretly they are all laughing at me haha... actually thats terrifying!!
Even on my weekends off, when the kids head to their dads for a couple of days, i have no clue what to do with myself!!
When i do go out for a night on the town with the girls it takes me 3 days of being useless to recover, oh why cant the days of being able to burn the candle at both ends last for a tad bit longer, i used to love heading out and having a real laugh, waking up bright and breezy to hear my friends enquire, enviously, what my secret was to being soooo bubbly after a heavy night, now i crawl around for 3 days with puffy eyes and a headache that feels like someone is beating me around the head with a spanner, unable to use my basic motor functions because it is too much effort and i cant be bothered to move, so obviously, i do not go out too often. i have officially hit the point in life where i cannot handle every other weekend benders.. and the fact that most of my friends are in relationships i also am concious of becoming THAT friend, you know the one that is always around because she has nothing better to do.
I have tried the whole gym thing, but lets face it spending my weekends off from the kiddos and work sweaty and red faced is really not a good look and not much fun either, and to be honest girls, although the guys look quite hot when they leave the gym, they are not to be admired grunting and groaning their way through weight reps with growing sweat patches, or on the other end of it when they finish their reps and stand around with their friends gloating about how they are kings of the world and masters of the universe because they lifted more than someone else, that particular vision loses its appeal rapidly!!
Dinner with friends works, but there is only so many times you can go to dinner with friends before you can plan the evenings conversation topics in advanced and pre warn the chef you need extra starters and chocolate brownies for dessert!! Actually you realise you go to dinner to often with friends when the maître-dee of 3 different restaurants know you by first name and already have the wine chilling and starters on the table as you arrive
So the long and short of it is, that as sad as it sounds, i'm lost when my kids aren't around, im single , yes, but im not going to 'hook up' with someone just to cure the boredom, that's just irresponsible and to be perfectly honest not appealing, i like being single,i have the freedom to do what i want and go where i want without having to check in with anyone, the only problem is, i don't do anything or go anywhere, so what is all that about?
When i am with my kids we are usually laughing or messing around somehow, and if we are not its usually me telling them to stop fighting and arguing, but im busy, constantly busy, different places to go for them, different lessons, homework, dinner, hearing about their days and the little stories they tell me, hearing their laughter, seeing their smiles, gettin my butt kicked on the wii, i love it, i just do not have a clue what to do with myself when they are not there....
At 31 my life cannot be so sad that i resort to gettin a hobby, im not doing that, i need to be inspired by something, fulfill some dreams or quite simply and frankly GET A LIFE
Answers or suggestions on a postcard to....
Oh wow, i just told myself off via a blog... thats kinda something new, i think after 7 long years this little blogger is back to blogging .. just prewarning you lol :) x
